Someone asked the other day:
"How come you're not playing in the Beta Sigma Phi bridge tournament?"
Well, if I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me. I got so used to shooting the moon against my neighbor, Mrs. Fred Wusk, that with all my winnings of homemade rolls and coffee, I'd be a blame fool to bid four spades against Duane Hall for the price of a Scotch and water.
Well anyway, I overheard Millie telling someone on the phone that we wouldn't play in the tournament.
Phooey! And just when I was about to work out some fancy dummy plays.
And then a nice voice said over the phone a few days later, "Ivan, we still need another couple for the bridge tournament. Won't you and Millie play?"
"Well, glory sakes alive," I returned. "I should say so. I've been sitting here all day long feeling hurt because the bridge callers didn't ask the right person in the household."
(I thought that sounded pretty good until I got home.)
That evening the War Department came into the living room after a telephone conversation and said:
"I just received a call from the sorority and once and for all, we aren't going to play in the bridge tournament."
"Mother," Jacoby-Ivan said, "what in the world is the matter with playing in the tourney? We'll have lots of fun and it'll do you good to get out in the evening with friends."
"Well," she snorted, "you haven't played a single hand of bridge for two years and you're not going to get me as a partner when you can't remember when to raise or lower the bidding between clubs and spades."
(Millie and Mrs. Bob Toler never did figure out the signals Bob and I used to have, such as four puffs from the pipe meant four spades. Yuk Yuk.)
"Well now, listen here, gal, you're talking to the Big Player of the Game.
"Who needs practice?"
"You do," she answered. (That did hurt a little.)
But I came right back . . .
"Mother, you've got to admit, that I'm not the kind of guy who needs practice. After all, remember, I'm the guy who plays golf once a year and that's in the Legion tournament!"
(I thought I really had her that time.)
"Yes, ummuh, and you're the guy who scores 85 strokes in nine holes."
Well, now I recalled that one year Emil Webering won the trophy for more strokes, so I wasn't so bad AT ONE TIME.
Well, all the palaver didn't change her mind and the Beta Sigma Phi bridge tournament is getting along famously without my great bidding skills.
Which could prove that I wasn't needed in the first place, that Millie was right all the time, or maybe she just didn't want to bake any rolls and figured I ought to "gamble" them out of Mrs. Wusk.
(Mebbe sometime I'll show Fred and Lucille how my Dad used to play 10 point pitch while standing at the buffet loading his pipe.)
Mrs. Max Snodderly, 1200 Eleventh Avenue, has some kind words she wanted to share.
"I really appreciated what the police in Nebraska City and Hamburg did for me the other day," she said. "I lost a ring of keys in Hamburg and they were returned to me in less than an hour after I reported it to police."
Mrs. Snodderly, manager of the Pendleton factory outlet in Nebraska City, said she told Officer Marty Allgood about the missing keys, he contacted Hamburg police and the keys were found and returned.
"I've read where people compliment police for their cooperation and I just think it'd be nice to do something like that."
Mrs. Snodderly and Mr. and Mrs. Rex Snodderly attended an auction Tuesday night at Hamburg. She never realized the keys were missing until she looked for them to enter her home.
The key ring not only contained the key to her home, but to the Pendleton outlet and the bank depository. She notified the bank and considered having the locks changed.
But then, she saw Officer Allgood and told him about it and the approximate location where she had parked. The officer notified Hamburg police, who found the keys.
There is a little more to the story. Officer Allgood was among 80 area officers and other guests of the Elks Tuesday night at an appreciation dinner.
At that dinner, Norman Otto, administrative assistant to Governor Exon, read a couple of letters in which taxpayers wrote their appreciation of service by officers.
"They may consider that in the line of duty," one woman wrote, "but I think it's an example of the wonderful people we have as law officers."
Officer Allgood typifies what the letter writer and Mrs. Snodderly said.
St. Patrick's Day a legal holiday?
That's what is wanted, according to the letter received this week. There are several reasons, say the letter writers from the County of Cook (Chicago, that is).
It's more sacred than election day to the Irish, a national holiday would close the banks and the bankers could go to church and it will give time and a half pay for those who have to work and they can spend the extra money on Killian's day.
In addition to annexing Ireland as the 51st state, the group plans to build an undersea tunnel connecting the River Shannon with the Mississippi, oranges will be green and baseball teams will be Green Sox and they will play on Astro Clover.
The committee is headed by Ed Moran and Dave Condon of 2501 N. Central Avenue, Chicago, Ill., 60639. Committee members include Pat O'Brien, Ed O'Bradovich, Joseph O'Halloran, Dennis O'Keefe and Tommie O'Leary.
They sent along a campaign button, a green membership card and a balloon.
Think I'll give them to Chick Connell. Happy Birthday, Chick.